I Put a Spell on You

I have suffered through my fair share of accusations.  Not the least of which is the usually entertaining (sometimes a poor attempt at romancing a witch ;)) : 'did you put a spell on me?'

The answer, always, is 'no.'

First of all, I rarely cast.  Secondly- when it comes to casting I have two ironclad rules: I don't cast for hearts and I don't cast for harm (only my own- on both counts).

The last time I cast was, actually, last night.  I lay on the floor, feeling like my heart was being pulled out of my chest, feeling like the vice grip that has been around it for some time now was tightening and tightening and that my soul was losing some battle that I knew I was fighting, but did not know the length of or strategy for.  I lay on the floor, feeling my heart constrict and my soul constrict and losing my breath and I put my right hand over my heart, my left hand on top of the right and pressed with every ounce of myself that I had.  The spell I cast?  Some secrets I keep, but it boiled down to: 'Let me keep it a little longer, let me protect it a little longer.'  I looked out the window and the wind started tearing through the trees- and that was me.  That was that spell erupting from me and swirling around in the universe.

The thing about casting for me is that it is more like begging- like praying.  I cast for protection, I cast for strength. I beg for protection, I pray for strength.  I pull energy from the earth, from the wind and water and burning fire and wrap it around me like a cloak- as though I could build myself into something more natural and thus stronger, wiser, more crucial and vital.  And, as I said before, I don't often do it.  I know my limitations, I know my power, I know what I ask when I am asking (because there is ALWAYS danger in the asking).

But I have an airy soul; a breathy soul which flows wherever it wants.  I don't really mind that it is away from me from time to time, I don't mind where it goes and who or what it touches.  It goes where it needs to, it goes where it is needed.  But then there are times…

And when I cast it is because I Need (yes, capital N) to call it back, that impossible soul.  I Need to beg it back fully so that it is fully mine while I am less strong or Need to be strongest for another.  When I cast it is for something or someone who Needs all of me.

So no, I did not put a spell on you.

I put a spell on me.