Originally I waffled between two different titles for this post:
"On His Birthday: Why My Dad is More Awesome Than Yours."
"Top 65 Reasons The Bob is The Bob."
I decided to scrap both ideas. First, I thought the one might be offensive. Second... I thought maybe no one would actually read fully through either one.
So instead I give you a mix of the two:
Top Ten Reasons The Bob is Awesome.
Much less boldy argumentative... and a lot shorter. So here we go.
10)He's put up with me for a really long time. If you know anything of me, and my personal history, you know that I'm no cupcake. Nor am I a pushover, wallflower, dainty, candy-ass creature. I know what your'e thinking... "welllllll... he's sort of to blame for at least a little of that dysfunctionally brash personality of yours...." I mean, half of my DNA is his, so he sort of has to put up with me, but there are things that even a circus strong man, or the Pope would have walked away from. Not The Bob. Nope. The Bob as dealt with flying tupperware, minor curbing, moves across the country, near death encounters, and Henry. And that's not even scratching the surface. Still. The man is there for me.
All. The. Time.
Which qualifies him for prevailing awesomeness.
9)Was once escorted, by police, off of the grounds of the International Court in The Hague. Go ahead, challenge his awesome now.
8)He can still do more math than most people I know. I think he can still do more math than most people he knows. In his head. And is always right about it. And he knows a lot of engineers. (I'm not going to mention his almost encyclopedic grasp of English Grammar. Also, apologies to anyone I just insulted.) That is to say, he's brilliant.
7)He once killed a man.*
6)The Bob taught me how to swear in at least four different languages not too long after I mastered the phrases "Mommy" and "The Bob."
5)He has jumped every battery of every car that anyone in our family has ever owned. Possibly except for his own. Which is weird, but also another example of his mechanical mystical awesomeness.
4)He has more tattoos than most sexagenarians. Seriously. (Oh and yes, that's a real word). And he's getting even more before you do. ***
3)I'm pretty sure he was once mistaken for the International Spy Carlos. Which he may be (see number 7). But you'll never know, now will you?
2)He's a Hollywood Legend. Few people know this- but both the characters of MacGyver and The Most Interesting Man in the World are based off of The Bob. It has something to do with his intellect. And his beard.
1)He's The Bob.
And with that, a very very Happy Birthday, Daddy. If I could be there I would. Fo. Sho.
|The Myth, The Legend, The Bob|
*With his bare hands.**
**Just kidding- but he does have a poker face that could deliver that line and leave no room for doubt.
***One is of Chuck Norris.****
****Once again, just kidding.