Thursday, November 22, 2012

Gratefulness (Potentially Part 1?)

*Fair Warning* I gave you sly and silly yesterday, I give you sappy and reputation ruining today.  

This blog has been building in me for a while.  This year has been difficult, to say the least, and I have a great deal for which to be grateful.  But today Clarity and Honesty Reign.  And to be clear, to be bluntly honest, there is nothing on this earth for which I am more thankful than my parents.

Here and there I hinted on their strength and importance in my life.  Here and there I have recommended benediction, medals, Knighthoods, even the renaming of the planet in honor of my Father.  

My father.  He is- in honor of his linear practicality and calm, quiet presence- my constant.  My father is my Magnetic North; my gravity; my PI.  He grounds me, challenges me, and listens to me even when I make no sense (which, yes, is more often than not). He never gets excited but his love (don't tell him I said this ;)) runs deep and immensely powerful.  In one of my sappier (and probably slightly drunk) moments I told him that he is, beyond doubt, the love of my life.  He is my hero and my heart.  

And his ability to 'handle' my mother and I constantly confounds me.  

Because where my beloved father is my constant, my most cherished mother is my Touchstone.  She is my best friend, and my greatest, most giving teacher.  I don't quite know how to describe my  mother to those who don't know her or who have never met her.  She brings life to everything she touches.  She brought life to me and brings life to me.  She has kept me alive during a time when I would have happily crawled into nothingness.  And she has a magical ability to smile through it all. 

They both LOVE.  

And I love.  And I love them.

Until next blog!

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Giving Thanks: A Happily Composed Obsessions List

Of course in the spirit of Thanksgiving, I wanted to post a couple of new obsessions for which I give Many Many Many Thanks.


So I know that I am a little slow on the uptake- the album has been out for a while now- but Battle Born.  Oh my stars, Battle Born.  While I am admittedly such a sucker for the Killers, this album in particular has vaulted me beyond my normal dork-dome into something else entirely.  They are already my pop music junk food.  But Brandon Flowers here is tried and true Vegas, so show-y and heartbreaking; vibrancy and flash.

This next obsession started just as Josh Elliot.  Then it morphed into Josh Elliot and Sam Champion.   Then it grew even further: Josh Elliot, Sam Champion, Robin Roberts.  Then I added Diane Sawyer and David Muir.  And Dan Harris.  So basically I have realized that my obsession is the entire ABC News Team.  They are a divinely gathered group of informational powerhouses who make me smile, yell; who provoke my insanity and intellect.  Plus David Muir is a hottie and for whatever reason Diane Sawyer has always reminded me of my Aunt Nancy.

Two words:  Billy Burke.  Not because he is Bella Swan's dad in the Twilight Series and not because he is charming as Uncle Miles in Revolution (another potential obsession for a later date).  But because he is just so bloody cool.  And his brown eyes are oh so very very pretty.

This show- I cannot WAIT to see how this plays out.  December 12th, can you get here any sooner?

Okay kids.  I think that is all for now.  A short list for I desperately need to do prep work for Thanksgiving.

Much love, and talk to you tomorrow...

Wednesday, November 14, 2012


-Or- The Anorexic Decides to Become a Real Girl -

Yes, that is the title, and that is where we are going in this blog.  First, let me begin my mentioning that my weird adoration of fairytales has sprung back into the forefront of my mind from the adolescent recesses.  It could be a fault of the proliferation of TV series based on retelling of classic tales.  It may just be my love of other-worldliness.  I mean, come on, I'm a witch who likes to identify alternately with Little Red Riding Hood, Druids, and Wolfs.  Seriously seriously stuck in the clouds.

The point is- hence, Pinocchio.

Second, let me get to the big point.

A couple of weeks ago I finally remembered that I am surrounded by the most amazing network of people.  People who love me (she types with a tone of wonder and awe).  Me.  Crotchety, mean, witchy, snarky, sad, sick Kate.  ME.  And they seem to love me regardless of those aforementioned qualities.  My parents, my extended family, my Fairy Godmothers (the Haloed-Triumvirate), my friends.  Even though I have defiantly and at times even gleefully starved myself to the point of probable hospitalization over the past year and couple of months.  Even though I have yelled, wept, gnashed my teeth and gnawed at the soul of that network.  Even though I have brutally and unabashedly alienated everyone at some point and categorically walled myself away at others.

You still love me (she still types with wonder and awe and now gratefulness.  Teary-eyed gratefulness).

I don't get it, necessarily, but I have FINALLY accepted it and have allowed myself to be changed by it.  This transformation began about two weeks ago (remember that wedding-thingy?), when my entire family gathered and I was struck by witnessing physically the connections between my family members, and my family and myself. I was struck by the fact that I laughed harder than I have laughed in that year and couple of months- that I smiled.  Repeatedly.  And honestly.  And I danced and sang and hugged and loved.

And I was struck by the fact that I wanted to continue laughing; to continue smiling.  I want to dance and sing and hug and love everyday for the rest of my decidedly strange life.

So I sat my parents down this past weekend, my parents who deserve medals and potentially benediction for surviving my disease along with me, and said "I'm done.  I'm done with all of this.  I want to be a real girl again." (Again, hence Pinocchio).

It's not going to be easy or overnight- by any means.  We all know that.  But at least it has begun- the wooden-hearted girl  living in some sub-reality of a half life is beginning to find her flesh again and surface into a whole real-life.  In more ways than one.

I love you all.  Friends, Fairies, Family.  And I am sorry for what I put you through.  I am sorry that my pain bled into your lives for so long.  But I am so grateful to be loved.  You haven't a clue.

Until next time.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A Blog About a Wedding

Of course I was always going to blog about my brother's wedding.  But I needed time to digest it all before trying to express it all.  Plus I was the best man.  And consider this- over the course of about an hour, my brother became a husband, my parents became in-laws, and I became a sister for a second time.

And I do not believe that I have ever felt closer to my brother than I did this weekend.

I know that I am constantly trying to play it cool- and suave- but I will be honest when it is called for.  I am a complete and utter sap when it comes to this stuff- as you will understand as you read on and I lose all of my street cred as a bad ass witch-druid.  But I digress to try and save my reputation... I love weddings.  I do.  They truly engender a constant and warming feeling of love.  Families and friends coming together to celebrate the next step of a relationship between two people.  Two very loved and exceedingly cherished people.

I have never seen a more beautiful bride than my new Sis, Tracy.  It was the Kate Middleton moment for me- Tracy kept her dress to herself until the very last moment.  And when she appeared I do believe the collective gasp barely covered the fact that my brother's heart may have skipped several beats.  What perfection she was and is.  And my brother... my brother was brilliant on his wedding day.  He was silly, sweet, and responsible in a way that I am entirely un-used to. They were both just the best.

(I know this is getting worse and worse.  I really am a total cheese-ball.)

Then there were my parents.  Both looked retro and chic and divinely happy.  My father, as usual, lorded over the ceremony like the Most-Interesting-Man-In-The-World that he is while my mother glowed with the luminous knowledge that her kid would be a husband.  How overwhelmed was I this weekend?

It is always strange to me, this occasion of matrimony.  I look at my parents, my friends who are married and now my brother and sister-in-law, and I always find myself thinking about the ring and how it... well.... everything changes but nothing changes at all.  These stages in our lives, signaled by these rings or whatever other mementos we embrace, enhance who and what we are; they give us stories to tell and memories to have and share.  They give us life.

And love.

And true happiness.

All of my love to all of my family, my friends, and my fellows.