An Email*

*This is an email I wrote to my parents and my yogini with love, with power, and with intense happy tears.  Bear that in mind as you read, but do read on.... 


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I have been waiting to write this email to you guys because I haven't really known quite what to say.  (Don't freak out, it's not bad AT ALL) 

So here goes.  

We get up every morning at 530 to be ready for 6am Sadanas (our personal practices) which we then do for an hour and a half.  Needless to say I am not exactly the most chipper of all folks but I committed to this so I am committed.  This morning we had a self-guided session... which does not mean we were on our own but instead left alone to read through and perform a series of postures in silence.  I quite enjoy the self-guided ones we've had so far.  I actually, honestly, quite like the silence.  It's quite calming and nice.  But anyway, I go to Sadana and had this... experience. 

Especially today.  And I still don't know how to put it exactly so I will transcribe what I journaled:

"I had a moment with myself this morning during my Sadana.  I went away from myself.  I WENT AWAY FROM MYSELF- I was absent from this physical plane, so deeply engaged in my practice.  And when I came back into awareness and back into my surroundings, I realized that for those twenty minutes, or however long it was, I had experienced self-acceptance.  Peace.  Harmoniousness.  I had not been this person that I have created that I hate and have hated for such a long time.  I has the being that existed before that.  I was the being that was created, not the one that I created.  

For 20 minutes today, I loved myself and I was at ease, still in my place in the universe.  I LOVED MYSELF TODAY.  For 20 minutes.  I was without and within and existing everywhere at once and at peace.  The universe was me- I was it, it was me, I love it, myself, my whole being.  

GOD how I wish I could describe accurately this feeling.  I wish I could explain the emotional, devastating RELIEF that I finally felt."

So that's what I wrote.  I don't know if any of it will make sense at all.  But needless to say, I very nearly had to leave my practice to go outside and have a good cry of happy tears.  Of blissfully happy tears.  And I have been itching to share this but I literally, I mean I still don't, feel like I can't verbalize it.  It was such a gift, you know?  To have this grace-filled heartbeat of a moment. 

Okay.  That, I think, is all for now.  

I hope you are all doing well and that everyone is healthy, happy, and feeling good.  

Lisa, I can't wait to come home and do aromatherapy.  and I love you. 

Mom and Dad, I just love you and love your support for me and the home you've given and sustained for me.  

Kate

PS.  How the hell do I blog that?