Yep.
I have had too much to drink tonight. And I have had a HUGE serving of ice cream with peanut butter and toasted nuts tonight. And I am loathing the self- most especially tonight but this is the general theme of my oddly self-centered life.
Again, this is what I do in general. But alcohol and ice cream make it that much worse. Because my brain and my body both feel oh so funny and oh so over the top. While they are delicious, they are also undeniably guilt-inducing for my stupid psychology.
A few entries ago I wrote that some things never change. And some things don't. And some things truly never will. There is a part of me that worries that regardless of all the profound transformation I have just experienced, all of the impressive growth and motion into the realm of self-love, that I will never, never, never ever heal to the point of being healthy. It is not a comfortable notion to deal with but it is one that I deal with day to day to day. Every nanosecond, these days, is a challenge. The kind of challenge that I face upon sunrise is the challenge to maintain gracefulness and the goodness I have recently attained; the challenge to maintain the wholeness and wonderfulness I feel on the inside.
Suggestions are welcome.
Not that I will listen to anyone but myself. But they are welcome.
Until next time, Manuhiri,
let's hope for continued growth.
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