It's Been A While.

And in that while... I've done some things.

To date: I've whirlwind-visited Italy, Croatia, Montenegro, Italy again.  I've made enemies of hoteliers and friends with bike tour guides.

I've been "remarried"; reconnected with old friends; returned to old stomping grounds and stomped them again.

I traveled to Peru; saw Machu Picchu.

I've thought a lot about time; and have meditated on space and place and the distance between the two.  I've realized that, much to my ever maturing machinations, everything changes.  Every single thing.

And I've let the fear of that overwhelm me.  Overwhelm me in a way that I am utterly uncomfortable with and in a way that I have not felt in a very long time.  I let the thought of the progression of time and people and places completely overwhelm me.  I let it choke me, stifle me, and render me silent.  It shut me up.

Which is weird, because that's not my normal state- quietude.

And then I started this blog post, called 'About Kings':

Sometimes I forget that I am supposed to be a grown up.

I mean, my combination of physical age and experience seems to suggests that I am, in fact, passing into my adulthood. 

But sometimes I forget that I am supposed to be a grown up... because I seldom actually feel like one.  I joke that I am like the metaphysical Benjamin Button- the older I get, the less mature I seem to get.  I'd like to think that I was onto something... except that lately I can feel it.  I can feel the slow creep of 'acting like an adult'.  I can feel myself thinking adult thoughts and facing adult issues. 

To go forward, let me go back.  For a very long time, I was the King in my Kingdom.  My whim was the sun around which my world orbited.  And I was okay with that.  I wasn't irresponsible (okay, there were a couple of times when I was terribly irresponsible- you know, those one or two times I sort of stopped eating; or those couple of trips I took that I didn't necessarily need to go on; or the shoes- but I'll stop there).  I didn't make decisions that endangered anyone (save for myself), I tried to make decisions that were on the whole good.

I messed up a lot; I cleaned up a lot; I ran a lot.  I was the King- and I did what Kings do.  I ruled.

But I still wasn't a grown up.  Just a King.

Now... now I'm something else entirely. 

And then stopped that blog post... because I couldn't sort out how to finish it.  Because I don't know what I am now, not yet.  And I don't know what to write without saying something that hurts someone.

So there's that.

It's been a while.

And until next time...