Rules: Or How I Keep Them (And Try to Keep My Heart Not-Broken)

As a rule, I don't have many rules to live by- fewer even to live and die by:

-Try really hard not to hurt anyone in any way (I regularly fail at this one, but it is a rule, nevertheless).

-Don't cast for hearts or for harm (the caveat there, as always, is no casting for hearts or for harm unless it is my own heart for which I am casting or my own self that I am harming). 

-And never ever plan anything for more than six moths in total- or six months in advance.  I know- or think- I have mentioned this before.  

I don't plan in advance because planning disappoints me.  Always.  Plans fall through.  Or if they don't, they certainly become something else.  Something… not. 

Plans are not to be made by the likes of me.  When I make plans they come with expectations (my 12 letter dirty word).  Inevitably- they come with expectations: I expect to have things go as planned; I expect to have made good, right decisions; I expect to have known- to know- myself.  At least well enough to make whatever plans or decisions I need or have to make. And then… 

Nope. 

Because it's me (me) and I seem doomed to a life of… 

I seem to set (or have set) a pattern for myself: make the choices you need to make.  Do the things that need doing.  But beyond that, other than that, don't put thought into anything- because thought, and plans, brutalize the soul.  Thought and plans break this heart. 

My park season this year ends on October 31st (the Witch's New Year, of course).  By November 2nd, I have no idea where I will be.  Maybe I will stay here- Henry and I will learn what New England, in her winter glory, really feels like.  Or maybe back to the warmth of my parent's home in North Carolina.  Or maybe I will hightail it wherever the wind takes the pup and I.  

Maybe, maybe, maybe… 

But, and this is key, maybes are a part of the rules; my Golden Rule.  'Maybe' is so much more free than 'definitely', 'maybe' is the wiggle room of the soul- especially of this soul.

The rules- the rules are for me, for myself.  It is how I work, or rather, how I try so hard to work: if you make a plan- make it for yourself, Kiddo.  If anyone else hops on… the more the merrier.  But please please, Kiddo, build your world and your walls around you.

Please at least do that.

Until Next Time…