There are songs that always get to me. All the time.
And every year at Christmas, I am reminded of a number of them. These are the songs that break my heart; the songs that make me grateful for who and what I have around me but desperately sad for the eventual loss of those same people and things.
Any, absolutely ANY version of this song makes me cry. I don't care if it's Coldplay's haunting piano, Judy Garland's wobbling vocals, or Kelly Clarkson's holiday pop… the song makes me cry. Forget about Cat Power's version for Apple… HYAMLC forcefully reminds me of every single person who has lost. It reminds me of just how very lucky I truly am.
Ave Maria.
Let me explain. It has been an almost unbelievably long time since I have bought into any major organized religion, including the Catholicism in which I was raised. But Chris Cornell's rendition of this seasonal masterpiece brutalizes my soul in an equally erotic and religious way. Whenever I hear that song, I am reminded of a quote from Jeff Buckley his, describing his version of Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah' as 'the Hallelujah of Orgasm.'
If that is sacrilege, so be it.
Speaking of which, it's not even remotely related to Christmas but it does get to me. It's the sigh at the beginning. Listen carefully.
Silent Night makes me simultaneously happy and sad. Happy because it reminds me always of my childhood and good Holidays and wonderful, perfect Christmas'. Sad because it also reminds me always of what I have lost by growing up. Good bye, Santa. Good bye, faith. For now I have doubt- a gift for which I am profoundly grateful, but occasionally over which I am still somewhat jaded.
Few people have heard this classic from Emerson, Lake, and Palmer. But during the two Christmases I spent in China- and every lukewarm, mild, rainy, dreary Christmas before or since- this song essentially set the tone. Holidays are exactly what we make of them.
Hallelujah, Noel- be it Heaven or Hell- the Christmas we get we deserve.
xoxo, and Until Next Time.
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