Seriously.
I feel a little bad for my husband because he's been though this before, and he's going to go through it again. This is the same point during which I become morose, taciturn, and angry. Angry like you would not believe. It's the kind of anger that has me tucking my nails into my palms until I break the skin to keep from punching every idiot I meet. It's the kind of anger that leads me to believe that most people I meet fall into the aforementioned idiotic category.
It is the kind of anger that I turn back on myself. Because I'm smart. But I'm not brilliant. So I can't save the world... not the way I want to anyway.
And here's where I run into trouble- I get angry and I lose patience. I lose patience for everyone and everything around me because I feel so alone. I wonder why no one else cares the way I do (note: on an intellectual level I know this is not true. I know that I am not completely alone and, in fact, there are many many many people who care and are equally as angry and frustrated as I am. But recall I'm currently seething and emotional destruction seems so much more satisfying than intellectual qualifications). I wonder how long it's going to take everyone else to figure out how incredibly irresponsible we humankind are.
And then I have to sit back and let despondency wash over me like so many waves in a vast sea of anxiety. Yes, I am prone to thinking dark thoughts and feeling my way through hard times and tough situations. So I'll get over this, too.
But not before yet another crack wrenches at my heart and wrecks my brain.
And it's not even finals yet.
